"The Dynasty Report"
Ahhhhhh... month after month, I just continue to get even MORE impressive! September proved to be a landmark month in the history of The Dynasty. First and foremost... we just so happened to "run into" Jerry Wilson at a wrestling show down in Kentucky. I don't recall the exact town name... probably Hickville or something similar. Anyway... you just know that The Dynasty wouldn't pass up an opportunity to greet Jerry "The Former King" Wilson. So we did just that... we greeted him. Now, I can't help it if "Outlaw" Jesse Houston's idea of a proper greeting is a fist to the nose. Needless to say, poor ol' Wilson's nose got all busted up, and well... as he lay there on the ground, his blood ran down into his hair. And gosh, I just couldn't stand to see my chum Wilson's hair all nasty and bloody. So I did what anybody else would've done... I SHAVED HIS HEAD! And I know what you're all dying to ask me, so I'll save you your stinky breath and answer it up front... yes, I enjoyed EVERY minute of it! You should've seen Wilson on September 17th, when he took of his bandana, and showed all the fans, HIS fans, what Dave Dynasty did to him! Now THAT was a Kodak moment! But before the unveiling of Dynasty's handiwork, we had a little business to take care of... namely The Hollywood Swingers and The Renegade. Three beached whales in funny looking outfits. And I would be taking on these three, along with "Outlaw" Jesse Houston, the toughest man in the HPW, and a new member of The Dynasty... "The Fat Man" Vinny Vachetti. Me and Mr. Vachetti go way back... let's just say his family business has more than once helped me with "problems". Mr. Vachetti is yet another valuable asset to the corporation. But let me make a long story short... we defeated the three chumps. Not only that... but I myself pinned the almighty Renegade. Now, some people claimed that Lonny Lee came out, and interfered. Let me tell you what you people saw. You saw Lonny come out, with a towel, and lay it over the face of The Renegade. Now, everybody immediately begins to point fingers, and claim that there was a substance on that towel. That is absolutely and completely FALSE! You see, Lonny Lee, being the fine upstanding Canadian citizen he is, was merely doing Renegade a service. While Renegade was holding me in that weak bear hug of his, I noticed that his nose was running. So I merely called for Lonny, and he ran out immediately to wipe Renegade's nose for him... I mean afterall, his mother wasn't there to do it for him! But Renegade is such pathetic loser, the mere presence of a TRUE athlete like Lonny Lee caused him to faint. I then covered the red, white, and blue whale (and no, Lonny did not push me... he was merely patting me on the back and wishing me good luck!) and saved him from anymore embarassment from the hands of The Dynasty. See? Now don't you all feel bad for calling me a cheater? Shame on you all! And then of course we get to Jerry "Cueball" Wilson entering the ring, throwing out all of his meager challenges... doing everything in his power to try to stop The Dynasty. But NOTHING will stop The Dynasty... brains will always win over brawn! But Wilson and Renegade's plan backfired... and Renegade now finds himself preparing for an October 21st handicap match against me and the newest Dynasty member... the baddest monster money can buy... The Big Dada. Did you all see how BIG Dada is? The mighty Renegade looked like a red, white, and blue Smurf next to him! Then old man Wilson named himself guest referee for the referee for the match. It doesn't matter Wilson... as long as you learn to count to three by then, because that's all you'll need to do! Renegade... it's been fun, it's been real... but your party is about to come to an end. The Big Dada is about to end your career! Blow your bugles and play "Taps" for your all-American hero... he's about to go down fast! So, with problem number one taken care of, I then turned my attention to managing Lonny Lee during his match with some newcomer called Tommy Ray Sanford... no wait... Tommy Ray Sanderson... no, that's not it... Tommy Ray Sands! Yes! That's it! No matter what his name, you can call him one thing... a CHEATER! All the HPW peon fans have the nerve to call me a cheater, and there it was, clear as crystal (and my crystal is VERY clear... and expensive!)... Lonny Lee, knocked out cold in the ring, and laying beside him was Tommy Ray Sands, with a chain wrapped around his hand. And you have the nerve to call ME a cheater? Tommy Ray Sands is the cheater! But next month, all the cheating in the world won't save him on October 21st, when he meets Lonny Lee again, in a falls count anywhere match! And then there's the moronic stipulations that says that me and Jerry Wilson will be handcuffed to one another at ringside, and that depending on who loses the match, either he or I will eat a can of dog food. Doesn't matter to me though... you see... being handcuffed to Wilson only means the old man is going to get HURT! And I hope the "Canine King" Jerry Wilson likes dog food... afterall, there's NO WAY Lonny's losing to a rookie like Sands. The moron's keep lining up, and the moron's keep taking their pain and punishment like blind mules. And these are them men you look up to? Try to figure that one out! If any of you morons want to voice your worthless opinion, feel free to e-mail me at davedynasty@hotmail.com. I won't say I'll care about what you say, but it'll make your life to even have your existence acknowledged by me! Later fools...
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